Mad at Disney

A Lagos Reality Bootcamp

The sudden urge to put out something as February 14 approaches is becoming a thing for me. Second year and counting.

A real hater once said: Valentine is coming, where is your boyfriend/girlfriend? However the cap fits, please adjust it so it sits well.

If you saw the title and still proceeded to follow through with reading this, then my suspicions were right. Amebo!

I don’t mean to sound cliché but men are not good people. You might be confused, laugh, or even roll your eyes, but I speak the truth. This is also common knowledge because, said people are VERY self aware.

As a girl who grew up watching Disney, Nickelodeon, and the likes, I definitely had a picture of what love should look like. Nothing prepared me for the reality that is Lagos; where people exchange contacts with you and proceed to never text you…or, lie about their ages…there are certainly too many jarring realities.

Imagine my shock when: let’s call this this person “Mr. Linus” shared a two part playlist with me, (don’t even get me started on the content of said playlist), and proceeded to act like nothing happened. The kind you have to secretly make up an alibi for to ask your friends what they would think if someone sent them something like that.

Obviously, there is more context to this but my question for you is, why will you introduce me to a vibe you cannot maintain?

I tried the “act like you’ve been here before”, but till today, I am left puzzled.

No need to explicitly state where that ended, but I am indeed grateful because that was my introduction to the crash course that is: delulu vs reality. I hope wherever you are today, your drink spills on you.

Let’s call the second person “Mr. M”. Now Mr. M was definitely a charmer, almost too sleek, but he slipped, ha! When people show you who they are, you need to run with it, okay? Cause I started hearing, I am not a fan of these special days or occasions, and still thought to myself: this must be perfect, lol!

If this is ever you, I urge you to wait around to actually understand. You must see it through to the end!

After the playlists and the “I don’t celebrate special days speeches”, I remembered the ultimate love story— Jesus died for me, and that is all that matters.

In light of this, I will graciously wrap this story time up.

For the lovers, I also want you to use this day to reflect on what you are doing and the effects on humanity. Nothing else, just reflect.

I very much feel the need to clarify that this was actually written with the last bit of seriousness in me. Don’t come at me. Come at Mr. Linus and Mr. M.

Curious to hear from you, share a bit of your funny experiences in the comments too!

Happy Valentine’s!

This experience was independently audited, emotionally verified, and chronologically arranged by Dolapo.